Choosing Love Over Loss

It’s so hard for outsiders to understand my world sometimes. Those who have never had their soul ripped out of their bodies cannot possibly comprehend the journey of widowhood. I would not wish for them to have my experience, but it is so hurtful when there is a lack of empathy that comes with the misunderstanding.

I recently had someone question why I still drive a different route to avoid going near Steve’s accident site. At the intersection where he was killed, there is a cross with his name on it. It’s quite beautiful and was made by one of the firefighters that he worked with at his department. I love that he is remembered by others when they drive by there. Perhaps they haven’t thought of him in a while.

For me, he’s in my thoughts EVERY SINGLE DAY. When I look at my son, who is a reflection of him at 16, the exact age when I started dating Steve. When I watch my children play sports, when I discipline them, when my 9 year old does something new, when I look at them and marvel at the extraordinary people they are growing into, EVERY SINGLE DAY he comes to mind in one way or another.

So what does that intersection mean to me?

I called Steve that morning. October 22nd, 2004. When he didn’t answer his phone, that’s how I knew something was wrong. What I didn’t know then, but I know now, was that he couldn’t answer the phone because he was laying in the road in that intersection! He had been in a motorcycle accident that would take his life.

When I drive by there, it doesn’t bring back memories of Steve. It’s the place where my husband was killed, where my children lost their father, where my life changed in an instant. I don’t need that intersection to remember him as others do.

So, yes, almost ten years later, I choose to drive a different route when going near there! I choose happiness over grief. I will continue to make choices that are healthy for me and I will continue to remember Steve for all that he was as a man, not for how he died. I forgive those who don’t understand my journey because I am choosing love over loss.

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Minda Corbeil
    Jul 23, 2014 @ 08:59:20

    What a beautiful way to say this!

    Thank you for your encouragement!

    Sent from my iPhone




  2. Fran Akins Colley
    Jul 23, 2014 @ 10:50:31

    So very true. It’s hard for anyone else to understand “why.”



  3. Donna Copeland
    Jul 23, 2014 @ 18:12:54

    I recently heard from a mother who lost her children in a car accident that she was grateful there wasn’t a memorial cross or something else posted at the accident site – she felt like it focused more on their death and less on their life. It made perfect sense to me as does this post. Well said.



  4. Myrtis Perry
    Aug 11, 2014 @ 10:32:45

    Amen you do what’s good for you most people me included can’t even comprehend that type of pain, to lose the love of your life in such a tragic way is un fathomable to me.



  5. Widowwonderings
    Jun 21, 2015 @ 06:52:11

    Good choice, follow your instincts.



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