A Widow Curve Ball

sunlight-dietI thought I had reached a point where I had “mastered” the widow thing. I mean, it’s been 11 and 1/2 years, I’m happily in love with another man, I’m raising my kids,  I’m mentoring other widows, life is great, right?

Then life throws me a curve ball. A widow curve ball. It’s called FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS. Just when I think I’m doing great, the expectations of others come crashing in again, just like they did in those early days of widowhood.

After your husband dies, suddenly everyone thinks they know what’s best for you, as if you are incapable of making adult decisions. Family and friends have advice on what you should do, when you should date, how you should raise your kids, where you should live, the list could go on and on. After a while, you get a backbone and start to stand up for yourself.

I’ve been happily living my life for years but somehow, I’ve let down the expectations of some extended family members. It all started with an email, “I know you have a new family now but….”

What does this mean? Am I no longer a widow because I’ve moved on with my life?

2231403_2838932My son was six years old when his dad died and he will graduate high school this Spring. I am proud to say that I raised him to be a fine young man! Do I wish his dad were here to see him? Absolutely! But the truth is, I raised him as a single mom, an only parent, for the majority of his life and I have every right to enjoy his graduation without sadness, guilt or grief. I am proud of him and I am proud of me. His dad would be proud of us both.

I have been praying for those who are upset with the family that I’ve created in this widow life. I’ve realized that changing relationships is all part of the healing process. Even after 11 years, we are changing and growing.

I never chose this life. God handed it to me. I did choose, however, to live my life to the fullest. I’m not going to let others’ expectations decide how I will live my life. If I’ve learned anything over the past 11 years, it’s if I’m true to God, true to myself and true to my children, the rest will fall into place.

 

 

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Christine McCartney
    Mar 29, 2016 @ 10:01:50

    Im sorry you had this curve ball….We both will be crying I know for our lost loves in the Allatoona Grand Stands this May….but they will be there cheering our kiddos on. Thanks for this post Mary…

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  2. Fran Akins Colley
    Mar 29, 2016 @ 11:20:36

    I am so sorry! I’m not glad to know that the expectations never end. I lost it this weekend over something very similar. But I know you will keep going and that inspires the rest of us!

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  3. Trudy Green
    Mar 29, 2016 @ 23:42:06

    So proud of all you have accomplished on this journey-(one you didn’t choose) You are an amazing woman and I am proud to call you my friend,.

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  4. Deanna Hunter
    May 16, 2016 @ 14:44:44

    I love this. Everyone means well and everyone has the answers but until everyone else has been there they don’t have a clue. I don’t mean that to sound ugly mean or anything else it’s just true. They may have lost the same person that you (we, I) did but it wasn’t their husband. It may have been their brother father,son, uncle, friend etc but it wasn’t their husband and their is a different relationship there for every person or title mentioned it’s just different. And all of us handle each of those relationships differently because they were different. But until you have lost a spouse no one understands how that feels.

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